any discussions about relationships these days inevitably lead to a debate why so many intelligent, successful women stay single. What happened to the men? Where are they? Does female success scare them away? Do they not like independent, accomplished women? Should modern females “know their limits”, like in the famous (and hilarious) Harry Enfield’s sketch
and play just sweet, gentle, delightful creatures?
While I generally believe there are more great women than men today, it’s not like the latter are completely absent. Nor is it true that they do not think deeply about their female counterparts.
This article is not about all men – it’s about smart, open-minded, curious and, most importantly, driven achievers.
An ambitious man is composed of two elements
– an open, inquisitive mind and a drive to succeed.
Many men are smart and yet accomplish little in life, because they lack motivation and tenacity to act. There are also those who are very driven, but their minds are shut to the broader world and they excel only in their narrow field.
“Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.”
Ambitious man I am writing about is a well rounded individual with a thirst for life, for experience, for knowledge, for discovery and for success. Success, which can be defined in many ways – it’s not always about money, and certainly never ONLY about it. He simply knows what he wants – wealth / fame / recognition / knowledge / worldly experiences etc. – whatever gives him a sense of accomplishment and motivates him to action. That said, he’s also open-minded enough to be caring and understanding. He knows there is a life outside of his professional battles.
The reason I chose to write about smart, energetic, aspiring men – and women – is that they started to redefine what intimate relationships are about today. They reached a level of independence that allows them to make choices tht nobody could ever make before. Despite what romantic writers have tried hard to convince us for years, men and women rarely married out of love. For ages it’s been more about survival and prosperity, largely impossible to achieve without a spouse. Not anymore.
In the developed world of the 21st century young, educated, motivated individuals are largely self-sufficient. They focus on their personal success and don’t have to marry. And because they enjoy lives even their parents wouldn’t be able to imagine, the way they think about finding a partner for life is also very different.
So, where will these changes lead us? And how will relationships of the future look like?
You will find a lot of articles published by and about females, perhaps you are even aware of the term SWANS (Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse), which was coined to describe successful, educated women who struggle to find a good partner. This piece, however, aims to lend a male perspective to a topic fraught with prejudice and stereotypes – chief of which state that men are shallow in their understanding of women and in their expectations towards relationships with them.
Even though, as a gender, we are wired to judge women visually, smart, driven men will look beyond the first impressions to find more important, underlying character traits – qualities that affect how a really attractive woman behaves more broadly.